Some Hard-Boiled Pride and Prejudice

My friend Bob sent me the Boing Boing link to one of their latest lit contests.

Inspired, I just did my own 5 minute attempt at a literary mashup, focusing on the first page or two of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.



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Some Hard-Boiled Pride and Prejudice:

Truth is, dames assume that any guy with a little bit of dough on his hands wants to be shackled.

"Mr B" mewed Mrs. B "d'ya hear that the Netherfield dump was rented?"

Mr B hadn't heard.

"It is" Mrs. B droned on. "Mrs. L told me."

Mr. B didn't bother replying.

"Don't ya want to know who's rentin' it?" cried Mrs. B

"So tell me already"

"Well, Mrs. L says that a lug dressed in glad rags is rentin' it. He must have some sawbucks cos he rode up with a slew of bangtails, just a righteous as you please. She says he's even got a bunch of hatchetmen with him to take care of the place."

"What's this mug's moniker?"

"Bingley, if you can believe it"

"Ring through his nose?"

"Nope- Mrs. L said he's free as a bird, no dishes in sight. Imagine that! A man with at least 4 or 5 grand and no ties!" Mrs. B giggled "What luck for our girls!"

"What's this have to do with our girls?"

"Why Mr. B- it's obvious- he's gonna get hitched to one of 'em!"

"Is that his plan then?"

"Oh Mr. B! He's gotta get dizzy over one of our girls, he's just gotta! You just go on over and check him out first, get to know him."

"I ain't gonna go over there. You and the girls go on over and flirt all you like. Maybe he'll take one of you off my hands... maybe even you! You'e still a hot little number- maybe he'll like you best."

"Mr B! You are a naughty boy" sighed Mrs. B happily. "I know I still got it. But this is about the girls! I don't want some lovesick puppy for myself- I can barely handle you , you brute!" She batted at him playfully.

"Now please go see this Bingley fellow, would ya?"
 
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LOL! This one would be fun to spend more time on one of these days...